You know how my family is crazy, right?

No?

Well, where, my child, have you been? My family is fucking insane.

Case in point. This evening the phone rings.

I answer it.

It is some girl named "Shannon" who wants to know if this is "Drea's mom's house"

I replied with "yes, but this is not her mom, this is her sister."

The phone is then handed to "Drea" ("Drea," of course, being my sister) and my sister starts to hysterically scream into the phone about how Gary (her husband) left her, and blah blah and cry cry and scream scream...and fuck that!

So I'm like "Do you want me to come get you?" and she just says "He just left me! I didn't do anything and he LEFT ME!" (mind you, the next time I hear anyone say those lines again, I will kill them. I swear to motherucking god, her vocabulary decreases as her alcohol consumption increases). I repeat "Do you want me to come get you?" and to make a long paragraph short(er) I'll just tell you that we went around and around until finally it was decided (by me) that I would pick her up (with Miss Samantha by my side, of course).

So, we go to the Pink Lady, which is, of course, a bad sign to begin with. It's a strip club. My sister (Drea) used to work there. Everytime they go there, they get into a fight. It should be clear by now that they shouldn't go there. We get there, I find her, She gets into the van. As we begin to leave, I tell her that we're going to bring her home, and by home I mean OUR home (to mom's house) not to her and Gary's house, because *I* feel that it's best they spend the night apart. Afterall, he did just leave her, and we didn't know where he went...yadda yadda etc etc. She decided that she wants to go to their house to pick up some clothes. I agree because...well....who wants to wear the same clothes after they've been drinking and fighting and crying in the same pair all night.

Bad Idea. Very. Very. VERY BAD IDEA.

Andrea decides to, once we get there, take her merry time getting together what she needs to bring to our house (not to mention the numerous delays we had going round and round in circles with "But he left me! I didn't do anything and he LEFT ME!") when lo and behold Gary shows up.

This, of course, sends Andrea into retard screaming white trash bitch two-year old hysterical mode...so Samantha grabbed some clothes and I drug Andrea to the van.

It must've taken up 30 minutes to get her into the van. We'd get her in, and buckled up, and then she'd decide to get out. We'd get her in, and buckled up, and Samantha (being the clever girl she is) locked Andrea's door. Andrea (being the clever girl she is) crawled across the front seat and out the front passenger door.

At one point I started crying hysterically, because when I get angry I cry. I can't help it. It's a control issue. Shut the fuck up.

At another point, she went running for the house, and we caught her, and ended up tackling her, pulling her onto the ground....I was sitting on her...it was fucking insane. We finally get her into the car, me behind her, pulling her in...trying to grab her feet and make her sit still while Samma is trying ot shut the door. We both hurry up to get to our own seats and lock the doors.

I turn the van on to back out, and before I can get the fucker into reverse, Andrea is in the front seat IN SAM'S LAP trying to figure out how to unlock the door.

I, in a moment of split-second decision making, decide that Sam can keep Andrea in the car, and begin to back out.

Backing out of that driveway is a nightmare to begin with, can you IMAGINE what it was like with my sister in my other sister's lap, blocking my view, screaming and crying? I need to be inducted into some kind of driving hall of fame.

We get out of her driveway and onto Peacher's Mill Road, and Andrea then crawls into the back floor (its a LARGE van, kids...quite large) and I tell Sam to get back there with her to make sure she doesn't try to jump out the door while we're driving. So she does.

All the while, going round and round "he just left me! I didn't do anything and he just left me!"

It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. There is no dealing with her when she's drinking...she doesn't listen. The both of them (her and Gary) are so headstrong...they both think they've sacrificed so much for one another...and they have....but goddamnit...GROW UP!

So I'm gonna go to bed now...because there is noone that I can vent to.

Being alone is always lots of fun.

before~after